Is the chiropractor real?

So for some reason, a few weeks ago TugBoat decided he was big and bad...

The guy living inside my head told me hitting the squat rack was a great idea. For many years, I had squatted approximately once every other week. Typically with the bar. Maybe throw a plate on, loosen up the legs. You never know when you need 'em.

The man in my brain decided on one particular day it was a great idea to go heavy. It was like a light bulb moment. Drinks at lunch during the week, an extra 9 holes. That type of situation. I obliged because I'm not a bitch. So we go heavy. Rip 225, 250, 275. Fine, heavy for me. I'm not big, take it easy. Legs feel juicy. Decided to throw on 300. All the way down. Up, and pop.

Now, luckily, nobody in the gym knows what happens. I didn't make a scene, I got the bar back on the rack, and walked away. Problem is, I get tight as a [insert nun ass joke]. I can't bend over, I can't sit down, standing sucks.

2 weeks has passed and I'm still hurting. I thought that this problem would just go away, as every other injury in the past has. I've tried CBD balm, Ice, heat, and stretching. No beuno. I can't move! So, in my mind, the next step is the Chiropractor. I've never been, but only heard good things. You see those cracking videos online and think what the hell, that probably feels sick. Why not give it a shot?

So we go.

This office was in a small, older building. The paint was chipping outside. A place where you would expect the floorboards to be way too creaky. Come to find out there's a tutoring service on the second floor. They must have been teaching the Flamenco because the footsteps would. not. stop.

I'm in there, answering a million questions, trying to give the doctor an idea of what the problem is but I can't hear myself think because dancing with the stars just started filming upstairs. Buddy, just fix my back.

He goes take your tarp off. No problem chief. Lube me up, I need this to end.

The doctor(allegedly) sits me down in a chair. He proceeds to try and figure out where the pressure is. There's a device that chiropractors use to find inflammation. I have 0 idea how it works, but they run it up and down your spine and its supposed to pinpoint the problem area. I'm guessing maybe this is how he's going to solve this?

Alright he says, I'm going to align you. I'm thinking, let's go, this is finally going to end. Doc man instructs me to lay on my side. Roger that. He tells me that I need to straighten one leg, and fold the other over it. Lean over the side of the bench, and twist my body a bit. I'm about to get crack'd up. He lays on me anddddddd, Nothing. No fucking crack. Surely, I'm thinking, docs going to give this another whirl. Sadly that where our story ends. I get told I'm "Aligned" and I need to come in tomorrow to keep working/get the bad shit out as soon as possible. Isn't the crack necessary? Isn't that the synthesis of what chiropractors do? Did I even do chirporactory right? Wheres my god damn crack I want my money back. Also, what even is my problem? Got no explanation there. Did I slip a disk? Is it the muscle? Sciatica? Maybe I don't really understand the profession.

-UncrackedBoat